America's Got Talent - Sell Your Soul

A whirlwind six days! On Tuesday I received an email from a casting agent for the national TV series, "America's Got Talent" inviting me to audition for the sixth season of the show. We spoke on the phone on Wednesday about the details. I had already missed the Minneapolis audition (I had been performing out of town for the past week), but I had the option to attend any of the upcoming showcases. The casting agent listed two opportunities in New York this fall and finally told me about an option in Des Moines on Sunday. This was an invite-only showcase, I figured it was worth a shot and was scheduled to perform at 4:45 for the executive producers of America's Got Talent at the Sheraton in West Des Moines on August 22nd.

I had never heard of the show before receiving the email, I'm a media drop out. The first catch: my audition would be 90 seconds long. The second catch: I had to play a cover tune. O.K. I can do that. I then spent the next two days working out my 90 second demo of "Groove is in the Heart," the Deee-Lite song from 1990. I started by looping the bass line on my guitar, then added harmonium, water jar, cheese puff bag, paper drum, maraca, vocals and finally slide whistle. Got it down in the allotted time.

I was told that the invited participants would be receiving an email sometime late on Friday with the details we needed for our auditions. I do not have internet access at home and attended a wedding party on Friday evening so I went to a cafe Saturday morning to get the email. I have an older computer and software, the attachments would not open. The introductory letter stated that bands would only be allowed to play acoustically for the first audition and those that could not meet that requirement would need to provide a DVD of their performance. The executive producers would watch the DVD with the artist at the audition. I contacted the casting agent who assured me the looper was ok but I would have only a minute to set everything up. I was not about to drive all the way to Des Moines, Iowa without a back up DVD in hand.

My kids and I had planned to drive to Minneapolis that afternoon, kids would stay with my mom. My dad had offered to drive with me to Des Moines first thing Sunday morning. I spent the next 10 hours rounding up a video camera, filming the demo in my living room and finding a way to convert the tape into a DVD. One friend tried for nearly 2 hours with no luck (it usually takes him 10 minutes). We were finally on the road at 10:30 PM Saturday night, two DVD's in hand, gear in the van and arrived after midnight.

Sunday morning, transferred gear into my dad's car, printed all the attachments and hit the road. The attachments included a two-page intro and info letter, a seven page contestant information sheet and two release forms. I began reading the "participant consent and release" form as soon as we got onto the freeway. I read aloud and about 20 miles south of the city had determined that I could not sign the waiver. Here's where it gets whacked....

Marathon Productions, Inc. Producer of "America's Got Talent" and NBC Universal Inc in connection with a long list of peripherally connected businesses and individuals have devised a contract that participants are required to sign in order to perform their 90 second audition. This contract is a "deal with the devil" in which one must sell their soul to the network. Here are some of the details, direct quotes and paraphrases to slim down the four pages of legalese:

"I hereby grant to Producer and its successors, licensees and assigns, without charge or other compensation, the irrevocable exclusive right, but not the obligation, with or without my knowledge, in perpetuity and throughout the universe, to film, tape, photograph, perform, record, exhibit, display, edit, distribute, sell and otherwise use my appearances, name, likeness, voice, singing voice, conversations, sounds, signature, biographical data, and any information or materials....whether now known or hereafter devised.....in any manner whatsoever in Producer's sole discretion....Producer shall also have the unrestricted right to edit the content and text of any recordings....in any manner or form....Producer is the sole owner and may freely assign all results and proceeds...."

That's all in the second paragraph and there are 4 pages. Some other highlights include (in order of their appearance in the release):

"I agree to follow all of producer's rules, directions and instructions in all matters relating to the program....rules are subject to change at Producer's sole discretion. I will accept any and all decisions of Producer on all matters....without limitation....final and not subject to challenge....interests of the Program shall override those of any participant."

I also would have to agree to sign other contracts in the future regarding recording, management of my career, professional guidance etc. I would have to waive all my personal rights, would not be allowed to discuss any of the details related to my involvement with the program, agree to pay $50,000 to both the Producer and NBC per breach of contract, waive the provisions of Section 1542 of the California Civil Code, and as if that's not enough:

I and others may reveal or relate information [and my actions and the actions of others in connection with the program may be] of a personal, private, surprising, defamatory, disparaging, embarrassing or unfavorable nature, may expose me to public ridicule, humiliation or condemnation, and may portray me in a false light, may be factual or fictional....in no event shall I have any right to seek injunctive or other equitable relief....

Page 4: I authorize Producer and any person or entity designated by Producer to investigate, access, and collect information about me, conduct psychological, background, and physical examinations. I authorize the individuals conducting investigations or examinations to disclose to Producer all information. I also unconditionally and irrevocably release and forever discharge Producer and all parties from any liabilities.

In no event will I be entitled to seek injunctive relief of any kind. I agree that Producer may license, assign, and otherwise transfer this Agreement and all rights granted by me under this Agreement to any person or entity. This is the complete and binding agreement between Producer and me and cannot be terminated, rescinded or amended.

After reading this, I called the number on the intro letter and cancelled my audition. I told the guy on the phone that I was not about to agree to psychological and physical examinations for a 90 second audition. He chuckled. I said I figured they would not allow me to audition without signing and that they probably don't have an alternate form, he affirmed and said it was out of his hands. He's just a minion and no doubt enjoys his rock-star status as a national entertainment industry employee.

We turned the car around and enjoyed a lunch of my home grown cucumbers and tomatoes under an old silver maple. I felt toxic and violated just reading the release form. Even my dad, who has a great deal of empathy, felt violated hearing me read it.

We all went to the beach, I needed the fresh water immersion and a soak in the sun. I was so drained when we got back that I took a nap in the hammock, tuned in to the cicadas and crickets.

So, you will probably never see Magic Mama on national television and now you know why. A Peace Pirate will not be owned, follows the rules of her heart and her intuition, is not in it for the money or fame. Turn off your TV, when you watch these kinds of programs, you are voting for them, putting money in the "devil's" pocket, reinforcing their ability to prey upon creative individuals.

What surprises me is how many people are willing to sign that waiver. Do they even read it? I know why the forms are not sent until late on Friday, who has a lawyer on hand on a Saturday? Not that I needed an attorney to tell me not to sign.

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